Many times I wish I can have perfect relationship that will last my whole life. Relationships where I can give and get beautiful energy, motivation, accountability, and support. Unfortunately, with life comes building relationships, finding similarities, differences, and making hard decisions about compatibility. Today, I want to peer into three items around compatibility. As we go through this little exercise together, I want to clarify, that this is strictly for compatibility between you and someone else only, this is not to determine if a person is a bad person or good person. Just as in the states we have two major political parties; it doesn’t mean one or the other is bad, but can shed light one the values and compatibility of one and the other. Let’s dive in.
Areas of Life
Below we are going to be looking at making your list for what is best for you and others around you. In each of the areas we look at I want you to categorize them into a few parts of your life: 1) Social Life 2) Professional Life 3) Family Life 4) Intimate Relationship Life 5) Any other areas of your life you feel is it’s own category. The reason for this is, because you may have different priorities in your professional life as you do in your family life or Intimate relationship life. If it’s the same all across the board, then more power to you, but if it’s different, then feel free to prioritize away.
Having compatible Religion, Political Views, Health Views, etc… is very important towards a happy life with those around you. Find out how much you can agree within your personal/intimate values and where you have to agree to disagree. Then know that where you agree is what glues your relationship together, and where you disagree is where you have to find a healthy boundary of how to discuss topics, how to disagree amicably, and whether or not to even bring up certain subjects.
Having differences in these areas, doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t be in each other’s lives. It does shed light on whether or not you will be each other’s strengths or weaknesses in certain areas of life. For example, if someone who you want to be held accountable for eating well and exercising, but that is low on their value system, they may not be the best person for you to bring up those subject with when you are needing support. They can be sympathetic, but they may let you off the hook more than hold you accountable to step up to your potential. Same thing goes for someone who may have a different value/priority for cleanliness, business practices, etc…
Parenting styles are the easiest way of going about this subject. You both may agree that holding someone accountable while giving them love and time to grow into that potential, but… 1) believes that you need to let the person figure it out on their own and we just stay back and give suggestions… 2) believes that you need to lay out a game plan for the person and hold them to it. Now this may seem like a small difference in delivery system, but over the long run, it can dramatically impact the way the same message is delivered or receive.
You may have the same political view or religion, but you might want to be more quiet or vocal about your politics and religion and the other person feels the exact opposite is best. You may both agree to be healthy, but one needs a strict schedule of meal and exercise and the other needs flexible logging system.
If you can support each other’s delivery system then it’ll work out, but if you truly feel in your gut that it is not good, then it may be time to consider if there is a compromise between the two or not.
These are your must have’s or have-not’s in your life. Some of my non-negotiables for living together are parenting styles, cleanliness, aggression, and inconsistencies. These are mine and I would recommend you spend some time meditating on your list. Your may involve health reasons, religion, specific delivery systems, etc… whatever it may be, it’s very important to find out what they are so you can start standing on solid ground going forward.
Once you’ve established yours, I highly recommend you make a point of drawing a very strong boundary for these. What are you willing to do and have with a person if they exhibit these life-styles, habits, values, etc… Again, this does not necessarily mean you exit each other’s life, but it would be best for you and them to know how involved you should be in each other’s lives for a healthy balance and well-being.